Of Suns and Moons
by Lauryl Rhismerith
Summary: A series of short stories that chronicle Saïx's rise to power. UPDATE: The final installment. Real power lies in the ability to forgive.
1. Moonshadows

**Moon Shadows**

_Takes place not long after Saïx joins the Organization._

Saïx was wandering the streets of the Dark City when he found it: a dark mass that was somehow blacker than the pavement underneath his feet. It was lying in the back corner of some forgotten alley. His first thought was that it was merely a Shadow—the city housed a seemingly endless supply of them—but this black thing did not move.

He approached the mysterious object and knelt down to examine it more closely. It was a pile of some kind of dark material. Upon lifting it up, he saw that it had been torn to shreds.

There was a sudden flash, followed by a deafening bellow of thunder, and the lights emanating from the buildings around him flickered. He studied the sky and wondered if it might actually rain tonight. The heavy clouds that hung overhead always threatened to storm but rarely ever followed through.

His gaze returned to the material in his hands, and he fingered its threadbare edges curiously. It was weighty and thick, and he doubted that this kind of damage could have been done by an ordinary Shadow.

Another flash illuminated the alley, and he was able to identify the material as the same that was clothing his own body: the robe of an Organization member. A strange buzzing filled the back of his mind, then fizzled and died as quickly as it had come.

_Xigbar_, he resolved, _must have been careless with his guns…or was using the robe for target practice. But why would it end up here?_

Gathering up what was left of the robe and its scattered pieces, Saïx stood up and exited the alley. There was a third flash, and the city lights winked out.

In the darkness, he could see brief images—familiar and yet unfamiliar—of horrifying, unspeakable things: splattered blood, torn flesh, and jagged edges ripped through his mind. Screams pierced his head, causing him to double over in pain.

When the visions finally ended, he was dizzy and could barely see. And he was terrified. There was something monstrous in this blackness…and it was after him. He tried to run, but his trembling legs refused to support his body. He stumbled several times and eventually fell to his hands and knees. He turned his head to the sky.

"Moon, light my way…" he whispered pleadingly.

But she chose to remain hidden on this night and left him to crawl around in the dark, dragging the robe with him. No matter…she was no substitute for the sun anyway.

When he finally made it back to the castle twenty minutes later, the lights had been restored, and Xemnas was waiting for him at the entrance; his arms were folded over his chest, and his expression was stern. Saïx offered the remains of the robe up to his superior.

Xemnas threw up his arms in exasperation.

"What good is this going to do? Do you think we can actually repair it? You are an extremely important asset to the Organization, but it's costing us a lot of time and money to keep replacing your robes, you know. You _must_ learn to control your powers! Now, come inside and we'll get something to eat."

Saïx hung his head in shame—not because of his superior's chastising words—but because he was once a man, and yet he had been reduced to a being who was afraid of its own shadow.

Author's Note: This may turn into a larger project, depending upon the reviews. I have another that's already written and I'm gathering ideas for a third. The aim is to depict Saïx's transition from a newbie Nobody to the self-assured, no-nonsense Organization member we see in KH2 through a few short scenes. This is my first attempt at fanfiction, so please be constructive with your reviews!


	2. The Blessing of Forgetting

**The Blessing of Forgetting**

Everyday he forgot something new.

The morning that Saïx had awoken and found that he could not remember his deceased wife's name, he had cried for the final time. Vexen had scrambled to his side, not with the intent to console him, but to gather up the tears into a small vial. Saïx later learned that the tears of a Nobody were extremely rare things; if they occurred at all, they only occurred in the beginning, when the memory of emotion was still strong. Vexen, of course, was only interested in the properties of these droplets—could they hold something that was key to restoring a heart?

Saïx had offered an apology for disrupting the meeting, but Xemnas only waved his hand dismissively.

"Worry not. Your troubles and suffering will soon end. We all went through it at first—day after day forgetting the things that were once important to us. But one day, you will forget to care, and then you will forget that you forgot, and then finally you will be completely free of all that useless, worthless information from your former existence. Nothing will be a burden to you anymore. Consider it a blessing that you'll never be able to appreciate."

Saïx had been horrified and had refused to believe that he could ever completely forget the woman who had been the love of his life. She had been his sun, his miracle, his fortress, his strength…

But the next morning he had awoken to discover that he could not remember her face. A cold, luminous circle had taken over her features: a shadowy crescent hid her eyes and he could not find her mouth. He had conjured up a thousand of them and had desperately tried placing each one at the bottom of the image, to see if it was a fit, but something had distracted him before he could find the right one…

Some days later, during training, Saïx suddenly noticed that the heaviness he had been feeling in his chest was not there, not like it had been and then disappeared, but like it had never been there at all. He figured that the weight must have been his imagination.

Xemnas must have noticed the change, because he pulled Saïx aside after the daily meeting the following day and asked with a tight smile, "All better?"

Saïx had no idea what the man was talking about.

Author's Note: I took some liberties with this one obviously. Yes, I did mention that Saïx (when he was whole) had a dead wife. A while back I had some ideas for a story that involved his (non) existence and rage being a result of her death, but I decided I didn't like them. As for whether or not Nobodies remember their lives as whole beings, I could go either way, but I needed this theory for this piece. If you want a timeline, I'm going to say that Moon Shadows occurs within this one, most likely during the final forgetting phase.


	3. Silence's Revelation

**Silence's Revelation**

_Shortly after Demyx joins the Organization_.

The first time that he was left in charge of the Organization was a major turning point in his reputation among the humanoid Nobodies.

When Xemnas had informed Saïx that he had "urgent business to attend to elsewhere" and that the Luna Diviner would be expected to lead the daily meetings for the next couple of days, Saïx had been anything but thrilled and had voiced his concern.

"You'll have no problems," Xemnas had assured him. "I know that you can handle all of them. Just try to keep it under control."

Saïx had noticed the pointed way that Xemnas said that last part and knew that it meant the other members were going to use every advantage that they had to make these next few days hellish. And the problem was not so much the number of members he would be responsible for, but _which ones_ he would be responsible for.

His first morning on the job, Saïx entered the conference hall to find everyone already seated, though whether or not they were all actually mentally present was another question. He quickly scanned the room, noticing Xigbar lean toward Xaldin and whisper something while keeping his eyes trained on the Berserker. Vexen was busy scribbling notes, pausing every few seconds to take a sip from his mug. Lexaeus's stiff, upright posture marked him as prepared and attentive, while Zexion's drooping head indicated that he was on the verge of dozing—if not already in the process of it. Axel and Demyx were both slouched back in their seats: Axel toying with what appeared to be a twist-tie, and Demyx absentmindedly drumming an annoyingly repetitive beat with his fingers on the arm of his chair.

_Well, if anything, at least the whole motley crew had made it on time._ Saïx tried not to be amazed, as usually at least one member always kept Xemnas waiting.

The first half of the meeting went exceedingly well, and the Luna Diviner was pleased. After Lexaeus had shaken Zexion awake and Saïx had made the opening announcements, everyone actively participated in the discussion of the latest topic: who should be sent to "recruit" the new Nobody that had been detected in Port Royal. In fact, the members that wanted to go had become so excited and insistent that Saïx had to close the discussion with a reminder that it was Xemnas who would be making the final decision, and they would have to wait to plead their cases until he returned.

However, just as Saïx was about to open up the next topic, he noticed that Demyx had resumed his irksome tapping. But this time, the noise was accompanied by the faintest of humming that seemed vaguely familiar yet was not immediately identifiable.

Saïx opened his mouth to demand silence from the musician but suddenly realized that his order had already been carried out…in an ironic _and very unamusing_ fashion.

He could not speak. His vocal chords, frozen in place, simply refused to obey his commands.

The tune then became unmistakable: Demyx had been in the process of learning status ailment-inflicting songs, several of which had claimed many victims among the Organization of late. Apparently, it was Saïx's turn.

Heat rose up like bile in his constricting throat, and the infuriation commenced. He slammed his fist on the table, jolting mugs that sloshed lukewarm coffee over their rims.

Axel, grinning wolfishly, wagged his finger at Saïx. "Temper, temper, moonman!" was his mocking caution. The other members were either looking away or hiding upturned mouths behind hands, stifling giggles and smirks.

Xemnas's warning suddenly came back to him, and he realized that the others had set him up and caught him off-guard. He knew what they could be like, and yet in an hour's time, he had forgotten to not underestimate them. Well, he now knew what they wanted, and he would not give it to them.

Sweeping up his empty mug, he drained the rest of his drink and stood. With as much poise and grace as a man on the verge of homicide could muster, he all but fled the room…on the pretense of getting a refill.

When he had safely retreated to the secluded sanctuary of the kitchen, he pressed both of his palms against the table and leaned over, squeezing his eyes shut. Starbursts as bright and scorching as a solar flare exploded behind his lids. He gripped and clawed at his robe in desperation.

_Breathe!_ he willed of his short-of-breath lungs that were incapable of drawing air past his nasal cavity. But his body was stubborn, and he could do nothing more than give in to its urge to tremble violently. He finally collapsed on the floor in a heap of frustration, despair, and humiliation.

A half a minute later, he was able to unclench his jaw and hungrily inhale a breath that adequately filled his chest. Another minute passed and his head had cleared significantly—the pounding fading into a dull, almost unnoticeable, throbbing.

_Maybe_, his resigned thoughts suggested to him, _I just need to let it out as soon as it hits_. All this time that Xemnas had been telling him to control his temper, he had thought that meant suppressing any and all sparks that threatened to ignite. But his attempts to contain his rage had only seemed to worsen the situation. He resolved that it was time to try a new strategy.

Staggering to his feet, he smoothed out his robe and headed to the coffee pot. As he poured his second cup, he could feel the last of the tension in his muscles melt away.

The Saïx that returned to the conference hall was a far different Nobody from the one that had left just a few minutes earlier.

He returned to his seat—the epitome of calm and collected. Demyx had stopped his makeshift samba, and the group was eyeing Saïx curiously. _Had he lost it_? they wondered. It was difficult to tell. But they would not be deterred so easily.

Saïx picked up the meeting where he had left off, as if nothing had happened. And when he saw Demyx lift his fingers off of his armrest, the Luna Diviner was ever-so-prepared.

Determined to keep things in check this time, he settled for hurling his coffee mug—scalding-hot contents and all—at the far side of the room where Demyx was seated.

The unsuspecting musician could only stare in wide-eyed shock as the mug smashed into the wall just left of his ear, the remaining shards and beverage pelting and singeing his cheek—effectively warning him just how close of a call that throw had been.

"You missed," Demyx managed to squeak into the stunned silence.

"_That_ was merely a warning. Next time, rest assured, _I will not_."

Demyx swallowed audibly, and Saïx felt better already.

Xemnas was going to be proud of him.

Author's Note:

I hope that these stories are tying together ok. They're not supposed to be very similar, but I don't want them straying too far from one another either. I'm finding it hard lately to write "deep" stuff, and I'm deliberately trying to keep these pretty short, not only for the effect, but also as a challenge to myself. There's another that I'm putting the finishing touches on that's intended to be the final one, and I'm thinking that I may do another just to fill in a few gaps between this one and that one.

Please feel free to let me know how I'm doing.


	4. Oblivious Pawns

Author's Note: I was trying to keep all of these parallel: under 1000 words, only one or two lines of speech from Xemnas… then I realized that I missed writing dialogue. But I figured that as Saïx's personality as a Nobody becomes more developed and he earns more respect from the other Organization members, he should have more of a say in things anyway. So I sat down to write this, and here's what happened:

Chain of Memories spoilers ahead!

**Oblivious Pawns**

Correspondence from Castle Oblivion had come to a complete—and alarming—halt. Along with the six members that had been sent there, Xemnas had also included specific instructions that someone was to report back to The World That Never Was at least once a day. Those orders had been followed diligently…until today.

Saïx watched quietly as Xemnas paced back and forth across the conference hall in a panic-induced rage. The Superior had called the remaining six members together for an emergency midnight meeting to address the problem, and up until now only Xemnas and Saïx had known that no one had reported back today. The day before yesterday, Vexen had returned to announce that things were still going well. The Keyblade Bearer and his friend were both inside of Castle Oblivion, and Vexen was currently working on what he simply referred to as "a contraption" that would further the Organization's plans. But that was the last they had heard from their comrades, and that had been over twenty-four hours ago.

"_What _could possibly be going on over there! What are those imbeciles _doing_!" Xemnas's shouts echoed throughout the cavernous chambers of the castle.

Saïx had an idea, which he was sure he shared with the others, but he didn't know if he could bring himself to say it. Earlier in the evening, Xemnas had informed him that no one had returned to make a report. Saïx, who had been busy with errands all day, hadn't had the chance to check the one room that might provide them with answers, and he had dismissed any concerned thoughts anyway. He had been sure that they were just busy and that one of them would eventually turn up. But if Xemnas was this worried, it was time to say something.

"Has anyone been in Proof of Existence today?" he asked solemnly. Five pairs of eyes shifted to regard him warily, as if he had suggested that the end of time and space were approaching. Only Xemnas pretended he had not heard the question and retained his focus on the ceiling.

"Has anyone been in Proof of Existence today!" Saïx repeated more slowly, his voice rising in a crescendo of accusation for their neglect.

Demyx looked down at his hands, which were laced together in his lap. "I haven't," he whispered.

Xaldin cleared his throat in a hedged and shameful negation and looked away.

Xigbar, Luxord, and Roxas shook their heads.

"Then it looks like we have some investigating to do." Saïx looked at Xemnas.

The Superior rose to his feet. "Let's get this over with then," he sighed.

-

Upon entering Proof of Existence, the seven men found that the room was glowing with a purple-ish tint instead of its normal pure neon blue.

Saïx felt a wretched churning sensation in the pit of his stomach and sucked in a breath. Demyx gasped, Xigbar tilted his head back and closed his eyes, Xaldin pursed his lips, Luxord nervously fiddled with one of his many earrings, and Xemnas drew his eyebrows together in concern. Only Roxas remained stoic.

Four bright red tiles upon the floor were responsible for the change in hue. _Out of commission_, their bloody lights mocked.

Vexen, Lexaeus, Marluxia, and Larxene had met their end. Only Axel and Zexion's tablets were still blue.

"This is _not_ good…" Demyx whimpered.

"Should we-" Saïx began, uncertainly.

"NO!" Xemnas already knew the question. "It would be too much of a risk!"

"Then what?"

"We wait."

"Until…?"

"One of them comes back or…both tablets turn red."

The six subordinates exchanged frazzled glances.

"So we're just going to leave them?" Saïx asked flaty.

"What else are we going to do?" Xemnas spat. "Do _you_ want to teleport into a massacre?"

"Of course not! But-"

"We'll speak of it in the morning. For now there's nothing we can do. Now, I suggest you all get a good night's rest."

Saïx retreated to his room in confusion and irritation. While he hadn't really been able to call any of the Organization members friends, he had a certain respect for some of them—including Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion. He thought that Xemnas had shared this respect for them, and he could not fathom why the Superior had refused to go to their aid.

-

The following morning, Saïx found Xigbar mulling over a newly lit tablet in Proof of Existence. The gunner was leaning over and had one foot propped up on the ledge next to the Luna Diviner's portal. A hand placed over his mouth indicated that he was deep in thought.

"Does Xemnas know?"

"Yeah."

"He still wants to wait for Axel?"

"Yep."

Saïx was beyond frustrated. This could have been prevented.

-

"Xemnas." Saïx entered his superior's chambers unannounced to find the man scribbling furiously on some papers.

"I take it you found out about Zexion." Xemnas didn't look up.

"I did."

"And you have a problem."

Saïx hesitated. "What happens if Axel doesn't come back?"

"At this point, I'm more curious to see what'll happen if he does."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I think he might have had something to do with all of this."

"Oh, so _now_ you think he might have had something to do with it? When it's too late." Saïx retorted through clenched teeth.

Xemnas finally looked up at him. "I really don't understand why you're pretending to care so much about them-"

"And I don't understand why you _pretended_ to be so upset last night and then suddenly became so unconcerned. We just lost several valuable members! That means fewer Nobodies that we have to help us!"

"That means fewer Nobodies that will get in our way. Do you think the power of Kingdom Hearts was meant to be shared with pathetic beings that are so easily destroyed by two _teenagers_?" Xemnas managed to look appalled. "Besides, I also have reason to believe that Marluxia and Larxene were plotting against us."

Saïx wasn't surprised. The neophytes had been good for absolutely nothing anyway. "But what about Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion?"

"The loss is unfortunate, but-"

"_Unfortunate?_ Oh, come on. Don't act so mournful about it." Saïx cut in acridly.

Xemnas stood up and slammed the palms of his hands on his desk. "And _do not_ patronize me! I formed this Organization…do you not think that I know what is best for it!"

"I-"

Xemnas narrowed his eyes and his tone suddenly turned dangerous. "Do you want your heart, Saïx?"

"Um…"

"It's a yes or no question. Do you want your heart?"

"Yes."

"Then I suggest you learn to trust me. I have put _my_ faith in _you_ from the moment you joined the Organization! I made you what you are, and I plan on seeing you become something even greater. The very _least_ you could do in return is to not question my judgments, especially in front of the others!"

Saïx was speechless—and torn in two. On the one hand, he knew Xemnas was right and felt guilty that he had doubted him. But on the other, he wasn't so sure that he wouldn't eventually end up as one of the Superior's pawns. At one point in time, Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion had been among Xemnas's most trusted, and now they were dead.

Then Saïx suddenly knew; he had misunderstood. Xemnas had not been concerned about the other Nobodies, but with whether or not his goal had been achieved at Castle Oblivion. The others had been small sacrifices to pay.

Xemnas apparently took Saïx's lack of reply as a submission, and his expression softened.

"So do we have a deal? You trust me, I trust you, and we get our hearts?" His tone had become lighter, as if to say _let's be_ _friends again._

_Hearts…_Xemnas had said the magic word again, and Saïx found himself rationalizing the Superior's decisions. Perhaps the Castle Oblivion group had been careless…or they had all been involved in treachery and had simply gotten what they deserved.

The Luna Diviner nodded to Xemnas in acquiescence. He had no choice; he certainly didn't see himself getting that heart on his own.


	5. Fine Lines

**Fine Lines**

"I want you to question him," Xemnas informed Saïx the day that Axel finally returned from Oblivion.

"Why me?" Saïx had absolutely no desire to be the one who deal with the flame-wielding Nobody.

The Superior gave him an unreadable look. "The two of you seem to have the most dislike of each other. Maybe you could find out information that he wouldn't tell us."

"I doubt he's going to tell me anything at all," Saïx grumbled.

"Oh, I'm quite sure you'll find a way to get to him."

And so the Luna Diviner found himself on his way to the conference room, where Xemnas had told him Axel would be waiting. The redhead had his back to the doorway and turned upon hearing Saïx's footsteps. His emerald eyes narrowed and flashed angrily.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"Obtaining your report."

"I thought Xemnas would be doing that."

Saïx bit back a satisfied smirk. Axel was nervous. The man had expected that he'd only have to deal with the Superior, whom they both knew was currently too absentminded to delve too deeply into Axel's report.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but he's busy. You'll be answering to me today."

"Fine." Axel plopped himself down in his chair, crossed his arms over his chest, and sighed impatiently. "Where should I start?"

"After Vexen's last report on Tuesday."

The redhead didn't hesitate with his reponse, but stated bluntly, "Sora destroyed Larxene and Marluxia. Riku killed Lexaeus. As for Vexen and Zexion…you can blame Vexen himself for their deaths."

"Why?" Saïx had been expecting to get the story in bits and pieces.

"Vexen created this robot that was an imitation of Riku—the Riku Replica he called it. It malfunctioned and Zexion happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." Axel shrugged nonchalantly. "Then Vexen went blabbing to Sora and almost revealed Roxas's existence, or nonexistence in our case, right?" He then smirked bitterly. "If Sora found out about Roxas…well, let's just say that we couldn't have that, now could we?"

"So you're saying that-"

"I'm saying that Vexen would have ruined our plans and needed to be taken care of." Axel growled with a note of finality to his harsh, sharp tone.

"Ok, so what else did you…_take care of_?"

"Marluxia and Larxene were plotting to take over the Organization. Sora was an easy way of disposing of them. I was only doing what Xemnas would have wanted me to do."

So far Axel's story had made logical sense—Xemnas had been aware of the schemes of Numbers 11 and 12. And if Vexen were jeopardizing their opportunities… Saïx would have almost been proud of the flame-wielder had he not disliked him so much. The man had just admitted to being at least partially responsible for the deaths of three members who had, intentionally or not, committed treason. But something told Saïx that Axel was not being completely honest with him.

"Then why didn't you come back sooner?"

"I figured Xemnas would understand if I stayed there and made sure everything was handled properly." Axel tapped his index finger on his temple and looked smug. "You may not think so, but I always think everything through thoroughly. I have things under control."

"Can you say the same for Zexion and the Riku Replica?"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault Vexen's moronic robot went haywire."

"Of course not," Saïx confirmed patronizingly.

"What, you don't believe me?"

"It doesn't really matter if I do. You just better hope that Xemnas does."

"Xemnas trusts me."

"If you say so."

Axel stood up. "Look, I don't understand what your problem is, and I really don't care. Just make sure that the next time you accuse someone of lying, you have proof."

"I don't recall accusing you of anything."

"Well then I'm sure you'll be doing it as soon as you talk to Xemnas. Now, I told you all you need to know. I'm done here." Axel vanished into a portal.

Saïx mentally recounted their conversation. The flame-wielder had never been known for dishonesty, but the Luna Diviner was aware that Axel could be conniving when he needed to be. There was a fine line between a truth and a falsehood, and the redhead appeared to have found it.

Author's Note: Since Axel's supposed to be such a great manipulator, I thought it fitting for him to be able to twist his words in such a way that he doesn't tell Saïx anything untruthful but is still being dishonest nonetheless. Any other linguist nerds out there who know which Gricean maxim he's violating? There's all kinds of other pragmatic stuff going on here, too. Anyway, this story is filling a gap between the previous one and the ending. I'm trying to portray Saïx as more confident now. There'll probably be one more filler story before I put up the last one (I know, I keep saying that, but this time I mean it. I'm losing inspiration for this).


	6. Learning Scars

**Learning Scars**

Saïx was slowly growing accustomed to the silence that permeated the vacant halls of the castle. Adapting to it had been quite an unnerving task in the beginning; he always half-expected to turn a corner and collide with either Zexion or Vexen, mumbling and hurriedly meandering through the corridors in an effort to find pencils and paper before the most recent epiphany was forgotten. He caught himself listening for Larxene's catty shrieks and Lexaeus's baritone chuckles. He was still weary of Marluxia's oversized mutant Venus Fly Trap that would maliciously sink its ravenous jaws into any unsuspecting passerby that had wandered too close…

He had no reason to miss any of them, and he didn't want to, so he had turned his attention toward the new breed of Nobodies that Xemnas had assigned to his regiment. They were of gargantuan proportions and capable of wiping out dozens of Shadows in less time than it took to convince Axel to set something on fire. When Saïx had first been introduced to them, he had immediately admired their still, quiet, no-nonsense-just-get-the-job-done attitudes. He was pleased to discover that they lacked the flair of some of the other Nobodies, such as the Dancers and Gamblers; he favored simplicity and solidity and wanted no extras. His favorite part about them though was their mean streak; in battle they were intolerably brutal, granted their opponents no quarter, and were capable of releasing a barrage of attacks that had proven to be nearly impossible to avoid. They had reminded him of someone he wanted to be, and so he had dubbed them, with much feigned affection, "Berserkers."

Half a year had passed since the Castle Oblivion incident, and Saïx had become so caught up in his task of training the Berserkers that he failed to notice that what little had remained of his phantom feelings had finally slipped away into nothingness. Spending time with his minions taught him that regret was a waste of time and energy, consideration was a quality of the feeble, and hesitation was a sign of cowardice. He no longer even cringed in humiliation at recollections of his early months as a Nobody. Those days were long gone and best disregarded completely.

-

One particular morning, Saïx had decided to pit the Berserkers against a group of Assassins that he had found slithering about the upper level of the Hall of Empty Melodies. He had taken great pains to ensure that the Berserkers became well-rounded fighters; he often had them combat the other Nobodies, including himself and the remaining members of the Organization. But it had been a while since the Berserkers had battled the Assassins, and Saïx thought that they could use a refresher course on the tactics of the sly and slippery Nobodies.

Figuring he could use one as well, he joined in the melee.

The beginning of the fight went better than he expected. The Berserkers were dodging the swipes of the Assassins' barbed tails about fifty percent of the time; they had apparently learned to recognize that a coiled body was the prelude to a nasty, lashing strike. Not only were the Assassins missing their mark quite frequently, but they were also taking a significant amount of pummeling from the heavy, dull swords of the Berserkers. Saïx himself fought with one eye on his Nobodies, giving a moderate amount of attention to his own opponents. To his right, an Assassin and Berserker pair were exchanging blow for blow in a flurry of movements that he could barely follow. He was waiting to see if the Assassin would parry the Berserker's next thrust, when a deep voice cut through the uproar.

"A moment of your time, Number VII?"

Saïx snapped his head toward the interruption, and instantly reproached himself for making such a foolish mistake. He just barely caught a glimpse of Xemnas, Xigbar, and Xaldin before something blindingly fast slashed across his field of vision. A half a second later it happened again, and he felt a searing pain weave into the flesh between his eyebrows. He instinctively pressed a palm to the offended area and haphazardly swung his claymore at the liable Assassin. His counter was in vain though, for the Nobody had dived into the floor. The other Assassins and Berserkers were oblivious to Xemnas's entrance and were still in the midst of the sparring.

"Halt!" Xemnas cried, and the Berserkers promptly ceased their attacks, stepping back and assuming a statuesque position. The Assassins wriggled spastically through the air before vanishing beneath their feet as the first one had done.

Saïx dismissed his claymore and pulled his hand away from his face; he could only stare at his glove in wonder. They had told him that this might happen, but he had not expected to experience it first-hand. He ripped off his glove and gently fingered the torn flesh above his nose. It was dry, and his fingers came back clean. He looked up at Xemnas.

The Superior smiled strangely and then disappeared.

"Ah ha! Your first _real_ wound!" Xigbar exclaimed. "I remember mine-"

"Yes, we all remember yours," Xaldin cut in. Saïx could have sworn he saw the man roll his eyes.

Xemnas suddenly reappeared directly in front of Saïx, holding something that resembled a hypodermic needle.

"Give me your arm."

Saïx was familiar with the routine; he had seen a few of the other members go through it. He raised the sleeve of his robe and held out his arm without a second thought.

Xemnas pressed the tip of the needle to the supple flesh on the inside section of Saïx's elbow and slid it into the skin. A moment later he pulled the syringe away, and all four men regarded it curiously. The container was empty.

"The good news is that all of your old blood has finally been depleted from your body, which means you will be able to accept a new heart with minimal trouble…so long as Kingdom Hearts grants you one, of course."

"Congratulations! You're-" Xigbar began…until Xaldin elbowed him.

"The bad news," Xemnas continued, "is that without blood, your body—in its current state—will from now on be incapable of healing any wounds."

"So you better like the one you got," Xigbar smirked. "Or learn to, cuz it ain't going anywhere."

"It's a small price to pay, I'm sure," Saïx replied.

Xemnas nodded. "It's actually quite fitting. Go take a look, and then meet us in Naught's Approach."

Saïx returned to his quarters in the Addled Impasse and studied his newly acquired feature in one of the room's many reflective surfaces. Two slash marks, almost perfectly perpendicular to each other, crossed right above the bridge of his nose. They ran up to about the center of his forehead and continued down to the upper inside corners of his cheeks. He could see Xigbar appear behind him in the mirror.

"I have a giant X on my face," Saïx mused.

"The better to represent us with, my dear Number VII," Xigbar laughed.


	7. Cued Recall

**Cued Recall**

"I don't know anything!" the redheaded girl shrieked. "And if I did, I wouldn't tell it to you anyway!"

"Such defiance from one so young and unaccustomed to negotiating with the enemy," Saïx remarked calmly. In some other existence, he had learned that dealing with irrational children required composure and detachment. Perhaps it would work on teenagers as well.

He offered her a plate of food, which she snubbed with a twist of her neck.

"Don't think you can bribe me either! I may be young, but I've been through a lot!"

_Yes, life's been so hard on you, hasn't it?_ An unbidden smile that strangely lacked cruelty threatened to play upon his lips. Alarmed and unable to suppress it, he knelt down to place the plate on the floor of the cell, bowing his head to hide the expression until it subsided.

"Calm yourself…" he pulled out a sheet of paper from his robe—for once he was thankful for Xemnas and his incessant desire to provide them with notes about everything; he could never get the girl's name straight. "Kairi, is it?… It's not information that we want from you. We already know where Sora is."

Her fear turned into curiosity. "Then what _do_ you want?"

"For you to eat your dinner." _If you don't you'll have to go to bed with an empty tummy._ He saw his confusion reflected in her wide blue eyes. Then her features hardened into a glare.

"I'm not hungry!"

_Subborn, stubborn…well, don't come crying to me when you wake up in the middle of the night with a growling belly._ "You will be eventually."

She seemed to reconsider for a second, but then eyed the food on the floor distastefully. "I don't eat potatoes." _I don't like potatoes._

"I don't believe you're in a position to be picky." _Daddy went through a lot of trouble to make this for you. Won't you show some appreciation?_

She knelt down and scooped up a spoonful of potato, sniffing it warily. "This smells funny." _I want Mommy's food. This is gross!_

"Oh, I'm so sorry that my food isn't up to your standards!" _But Mommy's not here anymore, and Daddy works long and hard to make sure you're provided for. Doesn't that mean anything to you?_

She narrowed her eyes at him. _A bit of tongue slipped out of the little girl's mouth and just barely touched the creamy heap of food. She then tilted her head back and threw the back of her hand to her forehead in a dramatic flourish._

_"It's poisoned! You're trying to kill me!"_

_"It's not funny to joke like that, sweetheart. Not after what happened to Mommy."_

The silence that followed drew him back from somewhere far away. The girl was regarding him with a mixture of terror and loathing. Her words were venomous, and she spat out the adjectives.

"You are a strange, sick man."

"And you are an insolent and ungrateful spoiled little brat," he hissed back.

He watched as she placed two hands underneath the plate and lifted it up. Then in one swift motion she launched its contents at him, plastering chunks of food to his face and robe. Juices trickled down his neck.

In a fraction of a second he was over his disbelief and had advanced on her. He grabbed her arm roughly and yanked her to her feet. Then his hands were around her (_so delicate_) neck. The next thing he knew, he was pressing her up against the wall. He watched her bulging eyes go in and out of focus as her face turned a deep shade of scarlet.

_"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU"_ he shook her, banging the back of her head against the wall, "_THAT THE TABLE IS NOT THE PLACE FOR THAT NONSENSE!"_

"Saïx!"

"BRING HER BACK TO ME!"

The girl was desperately trying to gasp for breath, but not succeeding.

"I apologize in advance for this, my friend, but it cannot be helped."

Saïx felt something ram into the back of his skull, and he doubled over, letting go of Kairi in the process. She crumpled to the ground.

When the pain became bearable again, he righted himself and blinked away the blackness. Luxord was staring at him, dumbfounded.

"_What_ in the bloody hell was that about?"

"What was what about?"

Luxord pointed at Kairi, who was curled into a fetal position and sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't you recall? You nearly did the wench in!"

"Did I?" Saïx looked at the overturned plate on the floor and shrugged. "I always hated it when Alanna played with her food."

"Who?"

"My-" Saïx attempted to supply an answer, but he had suddenly lost his grasp on the knowledge of it. "What were we talking about again?"

"Ahh…" Luxord hesitated, giving Saïx an unsure look. "Xemnas wanted me to inform you that Sora is presently in Dark City. And he's right on time, too, it seems—for it's about time that your misery was put to an end."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Luxord shook his head. "Oh, nothing worth fretting about. And Eight's dead now, by the way, so…up for a game of Crazy Sevens?"

_Author's Note: Thanks to RunningSnow for the idea to write a Saïx and Kairi interaction, though I don't know how it ended up turning out like this. It works out well though because I originally liked the idea of him having a daughter._

_In case you're confused, the dialogue that's in both quotation marks and italics is being spoken and thought at the same time, though not necessarily by the same person._


	8. Epilogue: A Moment's Reprieve

_Epilogue: A Moment's Reprieve_

In the final moments of his present existence, he saw Kingdom Hearts in a different light.

With its silence, it had denied him his heart, and he now saw that the light that shone upon him was cruel, twisted, selfish, and—ironically enough--heartless. Much like the perverted light Xemnas had shed on them all.

And as was typical of a moon, he had been a reflecting surface for that light. He had joined the ranks of those circling and orbiting and ultimately going nowhere.

He felt himself being pulled up, or perhaps evaporating. It was an altogether different sensation from his transformation to a Nobody. That had felt like a ripping. This was…more of a summoning. He imagined that he was on his way to receiving his sentence. It would be an eternity in the Underworld, no doubt.

But just before his departure was complete, he caught a glimpse of something unexpected.

Perhaps it was only the light playing tricks on him one last time…but his new eyes could not be fooled by such whimsical things.

The Keyblade Bearer was frowning.

It was subtle, only a slight tug at the lip, but it was there.

He was puzzled. Did this child feel regret for him? That was not possible after the things he had done. His entity that was once a somebody, then was once a nobody, suddenly wanted to reach out to the boy.

_You didn't know me!_

He remembered what it was to feel Shame. Not just the memory of shame—real Shame. And it wasn't the shame that had accompanied him when he surrendered his tattered robe to Xemnas on that long-ago night. This Shame was even heavier; it spoke of mortality and judgment.

As a Nobody, he had learned to ignore thoughts of consequences and the preachings of Heaven and Hell. He had been an anomaly, and the same rules did not apply to him. But now he felt his actions catching up with him. He remembered Fear, and was Afraid that it was too late to be sorry, now that he could finally be so again.

Distress was reawakened.

Despair followed soon thereafter. He would be lost to all, and all would be lost to him. His own words mocked him.

The emotions that had been cut off from him for so long were returning at speeds too fast for him to handle. They weighed him down so much that he almost wished he weren't leaving his Nobody existence. His spirit began to sink.

The Underworld was ready for him, and it need not await the results of some judgment to allow his admittance into its jaws.

But he did not want admittance. He had experienced enough doom and gloom as a Nobody. It was time for some real Light.

He suddenly remembered a story he had heard on one of his visits to Mount Olympus. It was the story of a girl who had opened a forbidden box. Into the world she had released much anguish and darkness, but the box also contained a single ray of light, and that was Hope.

Maybe he had been given this moment because Someone understood and was giving him a second chance. So perhaps he could be forgiven.

In the final moments of his present existence, he focused on that last image of the Keyblade Bearer. He _had_ been forgiven by one person, and he reasoned that that was as good of a start as any. Now _that_ was a Light to begin a new life with.

The burden fell away, and his soul resumed its ascent.

END

Note: And that's it. This is probably complete crap, but I feel like I need closure with this thing, and this is as close to it as I can get. 6 reviews (4 being by the same person) out of 481 hits is pretty abysmal and somewhat discouraging, but I couldn't leave it unfinished. Now MY burden has fallen away, and I can move on.

Also, this is for RunningSnow, who stuck with it through the whole thing and requested a death scene. Thanks to everyone else who read/reviewed/faved.


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